Half naked, running and creeping through the bush trying to catch up to a flock of wild turkeys is not the time to be fiddling with your camera. The blasted thing better do what you want

Winter is coming on and all the outside mending of the house needs to be complete. The patio lights had always been poor. Then one day my son, in trying to climb up to the balcony, as sons are want to do,  had stepped on one of the wall mounted lights and broken it. Since I had to fix one anyway I might as well replace both with something more suitable.

I can’t say I really like doing this kind of work. We’re having a warm spell and this lack of enthusiasm combined with the working conditions had gotten me all hot and bothered. I had removed all my clothes except for my shoes and underwear and was grinding through the replacement of the lights when I heard a soft clucking sound from the forest. I had heard this sound before and knew it to be the approach of a flock of wild Turkeys. Great time for a break from the tedium of installing the new light fixtures.

Turkeys do not stay in one spot for long, they are almost constantly in motion. This meant I had to get my camera as fast as possible. Up the stairs, then back out the house at a full run. Half way to the last known position of the Turkeys I stop to get a new bearing on the flock and to setup the camera.

My Nikon D80 has a nice feature where by, with the press of two buttons simultaneously it will return all the appropriate adjustments back to something reasonable. So far the Nikon boys have got the ergonomics done well. This done, I now have to dial in an appropriate exposure compensation because Nikon screwed up. I point the camera at a patch of bush dial in the correct white balance and shoot a test shot. I check the RGB histogram to gauge the exposure compensation that I know I’m going to need. As usual the histogram is showing blow outs in the highlights and I need to move the histogram to the left about one f stop. I select the exposure compensation button and spin the rear dial in the direction that I want to move the histogram. Of course being a frigging Nikon the thumb wheel moves the histogram in the opposite direction from the motion of your thumb. This I know only too well. Unfortunately all this camera tweaking stuff is not the foremost thing on my mind. I’m trying with all my senses to locate the subject of all this hurrying, the wild turkey flock.

One of the Turkey flock in the forest

I’m crouching on the ground half way to the forest trying to control my breathing and eliminating all body motion so as to not to be detected by the turkeys. I have tuned my hearing and am scanning the forest with a keen eye for isolating some tell tale sign of turkeys.

I move the exposure compensation wheel in the intuitive  but wrong direction and now I’m two f stops overexposed. This is going to be poor, but I don’t know it yet.

Time to make another test shot to check for proper exposure. But before I can take the shot, I detect a feral cat also in hunting mode trying to sneak up on the turkeys. This is going to be even better than just a straight shot of the turkeys. No time for the test shot to confirm I’ve dialed in all the appropriate adjustments for the perfect shot.

Feral Cat

Just as I see the cat he also sees me and breaks off his engagement with the turkeys to face me, the new threat. I now recognize this as the same feral cat that I put a lead pellet into a couple of months ago when he was attacking my nest full of Robin chicks. Then I see the turkeys. The first thing through my mind is get a shot with the cat and turkeys together. That’s going to be really good. But first a quick snap of the cat on his lonesome. Since the cat has seen me I can’t advance forward without causing him to run off. I turn my back to him and walk sideways to get into the right position for a shot to get the turkeys and cat in the same frame. I get to the position turn to take the shot and there is the cat but now I can’t see the turkeys.

We recognize each other

I have to make another adjustment but in doing so I scare the cat. He seems to have recognized me for that bad guy with the air rifle. The cat takes off and disturbs the Turkeys. I now know where the Turkeys are but their alertness level has gone up a notch.

Alert Turkeys

They are no longer making any noise. I don’t think they have sensed me yet. I sneak into a decent position and start shooting but the stupid Nikon is making too much noise and the turkeys decide to move off. I assess the situation carefully and realize the terrain is not going to let me get close without detection.

Crappy exposure

It’s still worth a try, so for the next half hour I skulk through the forest with the turkeys staying just out of reach. There is no doubt that they know I’m there. Being half naked I have no protection from all the sharp branches and am getting good and well scratched up. I curse my running shoes that make it impossible to move through the forest without making a sound. I need the tough bare feet of my youth but I will probably never have them again.

More crappy exposures

It’s time to break off the engagement and return to fixing the patio lights.

I’m pissed at Nikon for ruining this golden opportunity, but it’s thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I am thankful to even have such a camera.

I think I need to buy some better looking underwear. Denizens of the forest beware.